We’ve all been there: you’re sat opposite your friend, detailing your latest life woes and then they do the unthinkable…
They pull their phone out and start tapping away at the screen like something possessed.
Here’s what you’d like to say to them (but probably won’t).
“If you don’t stop checking your Whatsapp while I’m telling you about my life problems, paramedics are going to have to retrieve your phone from your person – and it will involve forceps.”
“None of your Twitter followers care what you ate for dinner. Seriously.”
“When you hashtag your photos, sometimes I question our entire friendship.”
“What’s more important to you right now, finding out who won the technical challenge in Bake Off or Tinder matching with an RE teacher. Priorities?!”
“That’s right, you keep scrolling through Twitter while I talk about my dead cat. I’m not offended.”
“I don’t want to sound like a crazy person who lives off-grid in a bunker, but please don’t check me in on your Facebook status.”
“Stop live tweeting television. Just watch it you moron.”
“Your phone has no place on a restaurant table. You’re not the Prime Minister or a doctor on call.”
“You’ve really cornered the market in Instagramming your meals… NAHT.”
“Stop filming the gig… You’re missing THE WHOLE THING!”
“If talking to a guy/girl on Tinder, who you’ve never met and probably will never meet, is more important than talking to me, a friend you’ve known for 11 years, then I think we need to go on a break.”